One Stop Religious Store

One Stop Religious Store.






All religions are catered for.






Even Christianity.






Not only can you buy a Bible,






The Quran,






A Star of David,






Mala beads






And a statue of Ganesh,






Satanists are also catered for.






You can buy 13 black candles,






A cockerel






And a virgin,






Second hand.






Did you hear about the Dyslexic Satanists of Bexleyheath?






They used to worship Santa.






I'll shut up then shall I?

Bring Your Own Food

Hypocrites!!!






I brought my own food






And they asked me to leave.






I'll have you know locusts are not only sustainable,






They produce less harmful greenhouse gasses






Than other livestock.






They are also extremely nutritious,






And are packed with protein,






And other good stuff.






Tofu probably.






They are Sooooo eco-friendly






They would make Greenpeace come.






All of them.






Simultaneously.






Or at least within 2 or 3 millisecondds of each other.






OK, they were still alive.






And a few might of escaped.






Alright






1,024,316






To be precise






Give or take a quarter of a million.






But that is me to a T!!!






I don't mind sharing.






They're Kosher as well.

WIFI Here

I like the way you can repurpose old technology






But still give a nod to the past.






Now you can browse the internet






And have a piss at the same time.

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Passion 4 Fashion

Hi Vis is just so in at the moment.

Jewellery Sold by Weight!!!

I want to be classy






Understated






I will only have 20g of bling please.

Manufacturers of Regalia and Insignia

I will have a kilo of Regalia






And 2 of Insignia






And make it snappy.

Typo Towers

Sorry!!!

Apology accepted.

Sexy Shop!!!

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

And wipe that grin off your face.

Glory of God

He prefers Woodbine

The Engine's Cannae Take it Captain!!!

Gangland Execution II

They shouldn't have done it.






They shouldn't have tried to muscled in.






The Boss doesn't like people






Stepping on his toes






Messing with his businesses.






There is only one soft toy racket in Lewisham.






And that's the one that belongs to...






The TOYFATHER!!!

No Trespassers

Warning Anti-Climb Paint

Essential Scotch Eggs

Essential Scotch Eggs






2 of them.






I wouldn't be without them you know.






Had diarrhoea once in Rangoon






During a native uprising.






Don'cha know.






The natives were nearly on us.






I asked my Batman to bring me my trusty Essential Scotch Eggs






2 of them.






Ate one






Stuck the other one up my arse.





It was like an atomic winter.






Except with egg






Free range






And breadcrumbs






And outdoor reared pork.






We were picking the bits up for weeks afterwards.

Eat More Chips

Somehow






I think Ecofrost






Have a vested interest






In spreading their message






And are not






Doing this for our own good.






Oh! No!

The Vanishing Past

Here's a job you don't see any more






An Iceman






His job was to protect people






When the Thames froze over






And they had a Frost Fair






He had a megaphone to warn people






Of dangerous thin ice






And a rope to pull them out






When they ignored him.






Mind you






He's been signing on since 1814






199 years!!!






Sponger

Welcome Gnome

He got off lightly.





He only lost an arm.






There used to be 2 of them.






See where the flower pot sits.






That's where the other one used to sit.






You don't want to know what happened to him.






Poor old Nobby!!!

Bin of the Month - May 2013

Austere Times

In these austere times






It's good to get a bargain.

The Monaperm 500 is my favourite.

Peter Pan's Kitchen

It was Wendy's idea

Settle down she said.

Grow up

How are you going to provide for a family?

Gallivanting around

Fighting pirates

And playing with the Lost Boys

And fairies

Tinker Bell for Christ's sake!!!

That's not a name

It's a perversion.

Look at Smee

He made a success of himself

Stroke of genius using that ticking crocodile

To advertise his Taxidermy business

It's about time you knuckled down my lad

And started your own business.

She left him for Smee in the end.






That ugly, fat, little fucker.






She left me for him!!!






Mind you I hear he's hung like a donkey.

To tell you the truth!!!

To tell you the truth






If I lived in Tower Hamlets






I'm not sure I would want my memory preserved.






I would want to blot it all out.






Extinguish every memory






Of every sight






Every sound






Obliterate them all.






Especially the screaming






Please, stop the screaming.






Can you hear the screaming too?






It's the children 






They won't let me sleep at night.

Selection of Jacket Potatoes

When I look at this picture






I think they are using






the same potato on each plate






and they are just disguising it with different toppings.






I think they are using






A STUNT POTATO!!!






I hope it's a member of Equity






And Halal too.

Who is this Man?

Who is this Man?






It's certainly not Jesus






A red headed Caucasian






Doesn't fit the Middle Eastern profile.

Sad Blue Bear!!!

This has all the hallmarks






Of a GANGLAND EXECUTION!!!

Make your own mind up

FCUK!!!






CNUT!!!






CNUT!!!






FCUK!!!






FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!, FCUK!!!, CNUT!!!







A clothing store and a 10th Century Danish King of England?






Or an amusing typographical error?






Make your own mind up!!!






Titwank!!!

A Full Life

What a packed and full existence they must have.






The Dutch House patrons that is.






A giddy social whirlwind of events






Poker Nights on Monday!!!






Karaoke!!!






Kara Bloody Oke on Thursday!!!






From 9pm






Resident DJ






On Saturday






Dance the night away!!!





Roast Lunch on Sunday






You can bring granny






Don't forget Darts






That's Wednesday






And on Tuesday






DOGGING!!!






I think 241 Puddings on Friday 






Is a euphemism for 3 in a bed anal.

Please Ask a Verger

Spiritual






And technical assistance,






Whatever next.






Hope PC World doesn't get wind of this.






Digital Communion.






The electronic Eucharist






The taking of the






consecrated iPad






and the cup






Filled with printer ink.






Mind you I'm a non-conformist.






My faith is Android.






Get behind me Jobs.

Things I want to say Bish! Bosh! Bash! to.

City Slickers






One hour Dry Cleaners






Bish! Bosh! Bash!

Niche Market