The Shape of Things to Come...

...Arts Council funded, customer facing, speedy response tagging team!!!

No Type of Dumping

Having a shit is alright though.






Oooh!!! I'm so crude sometimes.

No Entry for Vehicular Traffic

No Entry for Vehicular Traffic!!!






After all...






...you can't take it with you.

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Urban Typography

Before and After

Before

After

It's just like magic!!!






You just have to wait 3 months to get the full effect.

Beware!!!

Crushed Bacon

Crushed Bacon!!!






Crushed Bacon!!!






Destroyed Bacon, more like!!!






More like Bacon being pushed beyond the limit of it's endurance...






...and then...






...and then being offered HOPE!!!






SALVATION!!!






And with that small glimmer of hope...






...the bacon begins, fearfully at first...






...tentatively,...






...it begins to believe!!!






Believe that there is HOPE!!!






That there is SALVATION!!!






ONLY!!!






TO HAVE THE RUG PULLED OUT FROM UNDERNEATH IT!!!






AND THE FINAL INDIGNITY!!!






TO BE SMOTHERED IN FUCKING MAYONNAISE!!!






YOU WOULDN'T LIKE IT!!!






Or maybe you would.






Pervert

Touch of Klass

I fully believe...






...that they are either...






being Post Modern.






In a witty, post-Post Modern sort of way.






Or deeply ironic.






Or of course they could actually mean it.






In a deeply sad sort of way.

Better Directions than Sat-Nav

Yeah, but I don't want to go to Sodom and Gomorrah!!!

Don't Be Remembered Like This!!!

Watch out for Trams.






Or you will be remembered as a vaginal deodorant.






You definitely don't want that.






Don't be remembered as a vaginal deodorant!!!






Mind you there are worse things to be remembered as.






For example...






...you might be remembered...






...as someone who didn't use a vaginal deodorant.






Whose vagina did not have pink and blue flowers...






floating suggestively round your nether regions...






...to symbolically indicate vaginal freshness.






You would not be remembered as someone with a beatific smile...






...skipping through the cartoon flowers in a floaty, diaphanous skirt,






because you had skooshed some carcinogenic spray up your fanny...






...that smelled vaguely of a scented toilet freshener.






A cheap scented toilet freshener.






The ones they use in gay toilets in Wandsworth.






So I have been told.






You would be known as...






SMELLY MINGE!!!






AND ALL BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WATCH OUT FOR THOSE DAMNED TRAMS!!!






That will learn you.






Especially if your a bloke.

DR. JANE LUO IS BACK!!!

Thank God for that!!!






Dr. Jane Luo is back!!!






My life had been a meaningless void...






...without Dr. Jane Luo.






Until today, I had a Dr. Jane Luo shaped hole in my life...






...and now it is filled.






REJOICE!!!






Dr. Jane Luo is BACK!!!






And not just back any old how.






No 9am - 5pm, Monday to Friday Dr. Jane Luo.






Oh!!! No!!!






It's full frontal Dr. Jane Luo!!!






IT'S 7 DAYS A WEEK DR. JANE LUO!!!






IT'S 10AM - 7PM DR. JANE LUO!!!






IT'S 63 HOURS OF FULL ON, ADRENALINE RUSH DR. JANE LUO!!!






THANK YOU DR. JANE LUO!!!






WITH YOUR EXISTENCE I AM NOW FULFILLED!!!













I wonder who she is?

Urban Typography

We Sold a Chair to Damien Hirst

I am sure somewhere...






...out there.






There is a butcher...






...with a sign saying...






WE SOLD A DEAD COW TO DAMIEN HIRST






Fuck You!!! Office Suppliers in New Cross!!!

Sudden Loud Noise!!!

 

Boo!!!

 

The Natural World

 

Who would have believed it!!!

 

A very rare sight indeed.

Could it be...

...the shy and retiring...

...Catford Zebatress!!!

Under Age Pets

Is that in Dog or Human years?

CAUTION!!!

They've heard about my finger wave oil treatment.






It only hurts if you want it to.

Finger Wave!!!

That will be £20 please.






Or £30 with the oil treatment.






Drop your trousers and bend over.






Don't worry...






...close your eyes and think of England.






This won't hurt me a bit.

London College of Excellence

Oooh!!! How I wish I could attend the most marvelous London College of Excellence...






To matriculate in superlatives.






To graduate in eminence.






I would be head and shoulders above my peers.






Standing on the shoulders of intellectual giants.






To be part of the elite few.






I...






I would be one of the chosen 






An alumnii of the London College of Excellence.






I hope they will deign to accept me.






I need that prize that will set me apart from the hoi polloi.






A student visa to the UK.






After all...






...I have a GCSE in Home Economics.

Ssssshhh!!!

Ssssshhh!!!






Please do not disturb or drop litter.






It gets very crotchety when woken abruptly.






Don't you!!!

Wise Words!!!

"A 'No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble "

Mahatma Gandhi 

"I only asked for an extra papadum" 


Customer

Doggie Doo!!!

It's a game like this that make you want to be a kid again.






Do you remember the seventies?






All the great games you used to have, like...







KerPLOP, or...






even MonoPOOly.






How about...






Throw the dice, move your mice...






it's Mouse SHAT!!!






I also enjoyed...






BattleSHITS!!!






I'LL shut up then, shall I?






Don't forget Mr POOPato Head!!!

Art the Right Way!!!

Art the Right Way!!!






This is Art the Right Way!!!





Proud to stand out from the herd!!!






Proud to storm the gates of the establishment!!!






Proud to veer off in unexpected and new directions!!!






Taking Art to the edges of the Creative Universe!!!






Proud of the glorious tradition of...






REBELLION!!!






INVENTION!!!






BEAUTY!!!






WONDER!!!






IMAGINATION!!!







Proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with the greats...






Da Vinci






Picasso






Caneleto






Vettriano






Baxendale






Art the Right Way!!!






WE SALUTE YOU!!!






Pity your shut.






At least you upheld to the last the one true and sacred tradition of Art!!!







Shit with money.

Crystal Palace

THE CRYSTAL PALACE

So sublime! Like some
Immense crustacean's gannoid skeleton,
Unearthed, and cleansed, and polished ! Were it so
Our paleontological respect

Would shield it from derision ; but when a shed,
Intended for a palace, looks as like
The fossil of a giant myriapod ! . . .
'Twas Isabey — sarcastic wretch ! — who told
A young aspirant, studying tandem art
And medicine, that he certainly was born
To be a surgeon : " When you try ", he said,
*' To paint a boat you paint a tumour ".

An excerpt by John Davidson

How Do You Like Your London?

How do you like your London?






Twat Free!!!






You can tell by the date...






...It's too late.






We've been Twatted...






...by a right, old Twatoris!!!






He's also a bit of  a Twunt!!!

I Love You!!!

I Love You 2!!!

Diamond Jubilee Celebrations - Hither Green

Racist Bastards!!!

Racist Bastards!!!






A coach only for White People!!!






It's like the Southern States of America in the fifties all over again!!!






Throw off the shackles of your Oppression and rise up!!!






WE THE PEOPLE DEFY YOU!!!






UNLESS!!!






Unless...






It is actually a witty pun...






...and it is Michael Barrymore behind the wheel!!!






Well you know...






...after the swimming pool incident...






...AND the court case.






Everyone needs to work.






Good on you Michael.






I hope everything is...






Awight!!!






For listeners not from the United Kingdom...






...and who do not know who Michael Barrymore is.






He is like Jonathan Ross.






Just not as famous.






Hope that helps.