Cyclops!!!

Have You Paid?

With Blood, sweat and tears,






With every fibre of my being,






For every second of my turgid existence,






I HAVE PAID!!!






HAVE YOU!!!

Browse Without Obligation

STOP PRESSURING ME!!!

#Scary Things!!!

Available in 5 fun colours!!!






Is cunt a colour?

#Scary Things!!!

Ethnic Stereotyping and Sea Creatures on a Church






Explain!!!

#Scary Things!!!

The Opticians is closed.






I wonder what happened to the Mr. Clements?






He was never seen again!!!

Dog Meat

Personally I think they should use children.

I saw this on a train

I saw this message on a train.

Somehow I was not reassured.






I hope they lived.

Big Attraction

Oooh!!!






A New Cabaret Night






With Comperes






I love a good Compere






You can stick the rest






But give me a good Compere





With a twinkle in his eye






And his witty and urbane banter






And his tight satin slacks






That hug his peachy arse






And leave nothing to the imagination






It's enough to make you hot under the collar.






Pity they never let me in.






Well not the second time anyway.

Scary Things!!!

Natty Tattys

I am partial to a well turned out spud






But putting them in lederhosen and a hat






That's just plain silly.






A smart pair of chinos and a neatly pressed shirt would be much more in keeping.

Materialistic Curtains

Materialistic Curtain & Carpet Studio







A witty play on words?







Or a savage indictment?







Of US!!!







And our excessive desire to acquire and consume material goods.







I am wounded!!!







Cut to the quick!!!







I feel so worthless!!!






My life has no meaning!!!






Materialistic Curtains






You have opened my eyes






I now see...






I am caught up in an endless cycle of buying to maintain my social status.






I am not affluent






But I attain to a higher status






Through my purchasing power






I want to be loved






Debit Card love






And respected






Cheque book respect






So I buy pretty baubles.






To feed the hole






Of my inadequacy






ENOUGH!!!






I will throw off the shackles off this consumerist world






I will discover the simpler things in life






Art!!!






MUSIC!!!






BEAUTY!!!






LOVE!!!






I RENOUNCE YOU O' MATERIAL WORLD!!!






Mind you the curtains with the birds and butterflies would look nice in the drawing room.

Good Deed Feed

The Metro a free daily newspaper.

Their letter page a cross section of reader's views.

The feature

The Good Deed Feed

An opportunity to thank people.

Did you read  Derryn, London?






Do so!!!

LOOs for DOs

6 Man Urinals!!!

How?






I need to know!!!





How?

Thirty Second Theater

Polite Utility Company

Thank You!!!






That's the way I like my utility companies.






Polite






And snivelly






Creepy, snivelly utility company.






WORSHIP ME!!!






I HAS POWER!!!






Until I am in arrears.






Then...






Don't hate me Utility company.

Tenuous Father's Day Gifts

Wash everything in one go!!!






A fridge you can put beer in!!!






YOU CAN EVEN COOK AT DIFFERENT TEMPERATURES!!!






Personally






I wanted an ironing board.

No Children 2

I love children






I just couldn't eat a whole one.






Boom! Boom!

C'est ci Art?

Glyphtopia

Bin of the Month - June 2013

Pizza Confusion

Homophobia of the Inanimate

Deny Everything!!!

I would deny it






If I new what haemoptysis was.






I why is it clear-cut






It doesn't sound nice does it?

Niche Markets

Talk about niche markets






Ice Cream for Wife Beaters!!!






Look do I have to explain everything?






Stella Ice Cream (Gedditt!!!)

Ice Cream!!!

Talk about multi-tasking.






Not only can you enjoy a delicious, frozen gelato






But you can sit there and look like a cunt at the same time.

Spoining

Is this related to Umami?






And why is an American soldier trying to lose weight?






g.i. dieter (Gedditt!!!)

No Golf

No Golf Allowed!!!






Use of golfing equipment is prohibited in all parks






It's a Hounslow Byelaw






Statute 16b






Don't be a cunt.

Warning!!!

WARNING!!!






It's Big!!!






It's Black!!!






And it's a Bin!!!






And if you mess with it!!!






IT WILL FUCK YO' MUTHERFUCKIN' ASS!!!






Motherfucker!!!

Caution Controlled Bollards!!!

Caution Controlled Bollards!!!






These Bollards have had a restrictive upbringing,






A life underscored by






Regimentation






And a lack of demonstrable affection.






These Bollards have been repressed!!!






They still bed wet.






They're 24 for Chrissakes!!!






I blame their father.

Reliable Stamping

I've said it before






And I'll say it again.






If you're going to be good at something.






You've also got to be consistent.






Otherwise your just another






Flash in the Pan!!!






An X Factor winner!!!






And look at where they are now!!!






It's just a pity






Reliable Stamping






Is so niche.

PIZZA MONSTER!!!

PIZZA MONSTER!!!






Admittedly not in the same league






As King Kong






Or Godzilla.






But Hey!!!






I try my best.






You should try my 12 inch Hannibal Lecter.






A hand made bread base,






Freshly made,






Everyday.






From the finest Tipo 00 flour.






The topping,






The freshest Italian tomatoes,






The most delicious, buffalo mozzarella,






Fava beans,






And liver,






Marinaded overnight.






With garlic, oil, lemon and chilli flakes.






Cooked to perfection in a stone baked oven.






Especially imported from Tuscany.






Exquisite.






An orgasm on a plate.






And the perfect accompaniment?






A nice Chianti.






OK, the liver was a mistake






The customers complain.






Especially when it's theirs.