Brothel

And she only charged him half price.

Definition of Lonely

Good Advice

Good advice indeed.






When parking, make sure you avoid contact with the fence.






Because if you don't.






THE FENCE BOGEY WILL GET YOU!!!






He sits behind the fence.






WAITING!!!






Waiting for you to make contact with the fence.






Then...






BANG!!!






It's all over.






You've killed the Fence Bogey.






You made contact with the fence.






And the Fence Bogey was behind it.






You've killed the Fence Bogey.






BASTARD!!!






I hope you can sleep at nights.

Swiss Morning Suits Ready Tonight

Fast!!!






Very, very fast!!!






And specialized!!!






Why Swiss?






And what about suits you wear in the afternoon?






I see a niche here.






Generic Afternoon Suits Ready by Morning!!!






I'll make a killing.

Fear on the Streets!!!

Run!!!






Run for the hills!!!






The mysterious hat things are out to get you.






And they have prices on their chins.

Innuendo

Titter!!!






Smirk!!!

The Perfect Christmas Present

Buy your loved ones the perfect Christmas present.

A drawing of a light switch.






A small one only costs £31.99






I'm going for the 4 gang switch.






It's expensive at £131.49






But I'm trying to impress.

To Encapsulate the Pointlessness of this Season's Festivities

Sedation Clinic

I always come here to get sedated.

Where will it all end!!!

Will these bastards stop at nothing!!!

This isn't my best side

Spoilt Pig

Outdoor reared pigs...






Are happy pigs.






Until of course you kill them, mince them and pop them into a plastic tube.






Spoil me some more.

We need to make fish and chips trendy.






Why?






So we can charge more.

CUNTS!!!

Norovirus - Prevention!!!

Norovirus - The Facts

FACT!!!






They do it early in the morning.






WHY?






What are they trying to hide!!!

60's Pop Band

Arc, Mic, Tig and Spot






A lesser known sixties beat combo.

Bend me, shape me Anyway you want me,
Long as you weld me, it's all right
Bend me, shape me Anyway you want me,
You got the power of the Arc welding light.

Tavistock House South

It looked quite mundane to me.

Police Dogs

They're doing the Heptathlon.

Niche Markets

I love Tescos






The way they exploit niche markets






They find a niche for everything






Who would have thought






Cute knuckle dusters for Under 5 amputees.






With little hearts on them and everything.






And wipe clean






So you can use them again and again






Every little girl amputee will want a pair






I wonder if they do them in blue for little boy amputees?

Bin of the Month - December 2012

Free Mattress

They also sell chairs with free legs.

Racist Paint

This paint is borderline racist.

Use this paint and you will be siding with the fascists.

Altogether now...

Buy only paint!!! 

That does not discriminate!!!

Like Non-Ethnic Stereotype Sienna. 

Or Anti-Bias Blue

It's all a whitewash.

Nuclear Survivors

There are only three things that will survive a Nuclear holocaust.






The Virus






Cockroaches

Coal effect electric fires.

I just use the flame effect only setting.






It reminds me of Radium.






Without the cancer.






Give the gift of Optiflame this Christmas.

This is Egg

This is egg.






This egg must have done something bad.






Poor egg.






No one deserves this.






I bet Mr Naxos is behind this.

Fascials

Even fascias need some me time.






FASCIAL BASTARDS!!!

The Beneficial Veracious Spray Can Brotherhood

Who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler?

If you think we're on the run,

We are the boys who will stop your little game.

We are the boys who will make you think again.

'Cus who do you think you are kidding Mr. Hitler?

If you think old England's done?

Of course it could just be an indication where fibre optic cables should be laid, so the UK can be a global competitor in the twenty first century.






I think the little one will win.

Naxos Fashion Schoolwear

Mr. Naxos

I assume you are man

And of corporeal form.

But I may be wrong.

Mr. Naxos,

I have never met you.

But I know!!!

To the core of my soul,

that you are evil.

You are FEAR!!!

You are bound for hell, Mr. Naxos.

Let them go Mr. Naxos.

Please, let them go.

Subliminal

The Heron Practice

I walked in...

And went up to the receptionist.

Hello, I said.

Hello, she said.

I wonder if you can help?

I said.

We'll do our best, Sir, she replied.

I have a deaf parrot, I said.

Oh! she said.

Quizically.

I thought you might be able to...






...






...






Give him a Heron Aid!!!






Actually I made part of this story up.






The receptionist was a man.

Chicken Express

I like my chicken quick!!!






The quick chicken guy, that's me!!!






So make it snappy!!!






And raw!!!






I need it raw!!!






Hold the salmonella.

Human Relief Foundation

Don't give them anything!!!





Don't buy anything!!!






When they say Human Relief






They mean just that.






They mean relief from Humans!!!






THE FINAL SOLUTION FOR US ALL!!!






THE TOTAL ANNIHILATION OF ALL HUMANKIND!!!






See that glass ashtray?






Only 50p.






A bargain.






They're £5 new everywhere else.






But that 50p will go towards...






Little Billy's termination.






You know little Billy.






That little boy,






In a wheelchair,






waiting for the life-saving operation.






With the cute little puppy on his lap.






That little Billy!!!






AND YOU KILLED HIM!!!






BASTARD!!!






They think it's the dolphin's turn.