Beneficial Veracious

What wonderful words.






Beneficial Veracious.






Roll it around your tongue.






Beneficial Veracious






It means an advantageous representation of truth.






Which doesn't sound as good.






Ignore the meaning.






Say the words.






Beneficial Veracious.






Name your child.






Beneficial Veracious.






Play around with them.






Veneficial Beracious.






Beneficious Veracial






Beneveraficialcious






Then give them back






Give them back to the Christ Church Miracle Centre.






Their words.






Beneficial Veracious.






Knowing...






That you have defiled their words.






Taken them out.






Shown them a good time.






Well done!!!






Satan

Not a Cat!!!

 

Indeed!!!

Never a truer word.

A plastic bin lid is not a cat.

Nor is a plastic bin lid anything else...

But a plastic bin lid.

Unless of course you are of a philosophical bent.

And follow the school of Idealism.

Where reality is treated as a mental construct.

Or of course.

Your insane!!!

Welcome to Croydon

Even their Tourist Board is crap.

Global Immigration Management!!!

Global Immigration,







The movement on a daily basis...












Of tens of thousands of people worldwide,






From one country to another.






For a million different reasons,






Escape from persecution,






financial gain,






a better life for their loved ones,






nicer wallpaper.






ALWAYS!!!






Always a contentious issue.






To those parochial in outlook,






A threat...






That needs exterminated.






Global Immigration,






almost impossible to manage,






To control...






Effectively.







Who is out there?






Which courageous,






selfless,






unflagging...






SAINT?






Who has the determination and the steely resolve?






Who can selflessly thrust themselves into this molten mass of raw humanity.






To shape and mould a cohesive, workable solution to this age old problem?






That keeps all factions happy.






Global Immigration Management can!!! 






That's who!!!

All this from his upstairs bedroom!!!






And he still has time to run a sales and letting agency.






I wonder if he can lend me a fiver until next Tuesday?

CBS Outdoor

CBS Outdoor,






A wing of CBS...






...the US commercial television network.






Set up to deal with all things outdoor related,






Complements CBS Indoor,






Set up to deal with items of an indoor nature,






Perfectly.






One films outdoors related subject matter,






The other, things pertaining to the indoor environment.






Both mutually coexist,






working harmoniously together,






each the king of their domain.






UNLESS!!!





A situation arises where...






Something needs filmed...






under an awning,






or a parasol.






And tents,












Don't forget tents.






Oh!!! God!!!






PLEASE, DON'T FORGET TENTS!!!






AND CONSERVATORIES!!!






ESPECIALLY THE uPVC ONES!!!






ARE THEY INDOORS OR OUTDOORS!!!






Feathers fly!!! I can tell you!!!

Bus Stop not in Use!!!

 

No Shit!!!

Anatolian Community, Social and Cultural Centre

Minimalist chipboard art installations are very popular with the Anatolian cognescentii, I'll have you know.

Practical Pigs

 

Practical Pigs






Have you seen one put up shelves?






Have you?






There you go then.






Some also appear to be claiming Housing Benefit.






Spongers!!!

Happy!!!

Cosmetic Science

Discover the secrets of cosmetic science!!!






Make your own...






Fabulous purifying treatments!!!






Just like the professionals!!!






They only use pure lead.






It's alright though






It's only for children.

Giant Sperm

They sell T-shirts.






Fantastic!!!






Clothing with inbuilt spunk stains.






Whatever will they think of next?






Pants with inbuilt skid marks?

Have you seen this Wheel?

Smut at Clapham Junction

 

Look at them.






Have they no shame?






Four of them piled on top of each other.






See that women with the green beret.






The one with their back to them.






If only she knew.






Hnnnffff!!!

Beware of the Trees

They hide behind the bushes and leap out at you demanding your money.






You might not recognise them though.






They might be wearing hoodies.

LONDON PUNKS!!!

LONDON PUNKS!!!






ARE NOW IN THEIR FIFTIES AND SIXTIES!!!






THE SYSTEM HAS GROUND THEM DOWN!!!






NO FUTURE!!! HAS BECOME THE FUTURES MARKET!!!






NIHILISM HAS BECOME OPTIMISM!!!






BONDAGE TROUSERS HAVE BECOME INCONTINENCE PADS!!!







PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!!!







God Forbid!!! Some are even Accountants!!!

God Save the queen

The finest regime

They made you an Hon.

A favoured son. 

God save the queen

She's a great human being

There's a bright future

In England's dreaming

I like being told what I want

I like being told what I need

There's a bright future, bright future,

Bright future for you

God save the queen

We mean it man

We love our queen

God saves

God save the queen

'Cause the markets mean money

And our figurehead

Is all what she seems

Oh God save history

God save your lovely parade

Oh Lord God have mercy

All crimes are paid

When there's a lovely future

How can there be sin

We're the scented deodorant in the dustbin

We're the oil in your money machine

We're the future, your future

God save the queen

We mean it man

We love our queen

God saves

God save the queen

We mean it man

There's a bright future

In England's dreaming

A bright future, bright future,

Bright future for you

A bright future, bright future,

Bright future for me

A bright future, bright future,

Bright future for you

A bright future, bright future,

Bright future for you

Elitism!!!

God!!! How we hated Julian!!!

Inferiority Complex!!!

On the theme of children!!!

This is wrong.






Free Kid's Box Meal being advertised with a Stella promotion.






This is sending out the wrong message.






Children should not be encouraged to drink Stella.






With or without a free boxed meal.






Stella is a notoriously strong lager.






Often linked to domestic abuse.






This is not for children.






For children, I would recommend.






Tennent's Super






It's cheaper for a start.






Stella's too good for children.






They're too young to appreciate it.

Watch Out!!!

Watch Out!!!






Fly Agaric






PLEASE DO NOT touch, pick or eat them!!!






They are poisonous!!!






Unless of course you are children.






Then you can eat as many as you want.






Especially if you are called Megan or Rupert.

Bin of the Month

The Classical

Sidekick

According to Wikipedia a sidekick is a close companion who is generally regarded as subordinate to the one he accompanies. Some well-known fictional sidekicks are Don Quixote's Sancho Panza, Sherlock Holmes' Doctor Watson, The Lone Ranger's Tonto, The Green Hornet's Kato, Batman's Robin, and Gabbar Singh's Samba.

In South East London it is a shit drink for under-age drinkers and chavs.






Give me a Lambrini any day!!!

VICE!!!

Which one?












An evil, degrading, or immoral practice or habit.











Or an appliance for holding an object while work is done upon it, usually having a pair of jaws.












I'm up for both.

Fast Food Sex

Oh God!!!






Pizza!!!






Hot Dog!!!






This is a marriage made in heaven!!!






I think I'm going to come!!!






I wonder if it will be mustard flavoured.

The First Rule of Retail

I am glad Ambrosia Indian Restaurant...






...have grabbed the proverbial bull by the horns.






and taken the first rule of retail to their bosom.

And that is...






...to be a successful retail operation,






being open to the public...






...is not only a prerequisite...






...it's a mandate.

Stan's Barber

Lucky Stan






Fancy having his own barber






Pity, he's bald.

Noted Bacon Store

That's what I like best of all.






Historical Bacon products.

Caution!!! Automatic Sliding Doors!!!

What is the purpose of this note?






I hear you wonder.






It is for the less technically inclined amongst us.






They need this warning.






Otherwise...






Otherwise, when they see the door...






...swishing open...






...automatically...






...with no visible, manual intervention.






They bow down...






...and worship it...






...and you trip over them...






...and injure yourself.






That is why they need the notice.






Not for you.






FOR THEM!!!

Yellow Lines

STOP FOLLOWING ME!!!

IT'S THAT PIGEON FROM YESTERDAY!!!






HE'S FOLLOWING ME!!!






THROUGH SPACE!!!






THROUGH TIME!!!






HE IS A META-PIGEON!!!






HIS PIGEONNESS TRANSCRIBES TIME AND SPACE!!!






AND HE IS AFTER ME!!!






NO QUANTUM NOOK OR CRANNY!!!






WILL ESCAPE HIS BEADY GAZE!!!






THERE IS NOWHERE TO HIDE!!!






NOT EVEN IN BROCKLEY!!!






WHICH IS AS QUANTUM AS IT GETS!!!






I feel quite honoured.






It's not everyone that has a meta-pigeon stalking them.






It might even be a she.

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!






OI!!!






YOU ON THE RIGHT.






LOOK AT ME!!!






I hate being ignored when I'm being paranoid.

BIRDS!!!