Cat Pit

Sadistic Bastards!!!






I poured petrol down the gaps and set it alight to put them out their misery.






I should win a humanitarian award!!!

Skeleton in the Window

 

There's a story here.

But I am not sure I want to know what it is.

Wake Up Please!!!

Don't try to hide your totalitarian, oppressive intentions with fake pleasantries.


Please!!!


PLEASE!!!


PLEASE!!!



I ask you!!!


Don't tell me what to do!!!


I will sleep where I want!!!


And when I want!!!


FASCIST BASTARDS!!!

Pathos

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

 

It was Christmas to.

Height of sophistication

This is what I call the height of sophistication.






A demonstration of good breeding and quality.

 

Carpeted gate posts.

Simply Stunning.

 

Dumbing Down

Talk about dumbing down.






A qualification in pet sitting, feeding and walking dogs.






I wonder if there is a module called...






Feeding the right end.






Maybe that is why she needs a Criminal Records Bureau check?






Just in case she had a previous conviction.






For animal cruelty.






For feeding the wrong end.






Then taking it for a walk afterwards.






It's enought to make your eyes water thinking about it.







Especially if it was a small dog.






Like a chihuaha for instance.






Maybe not.






Maybe you would just have found it funny.






Like I did.

Charlie Chan

He just about coped when Number One son left to became a Internal Optimisation Supervisor.






He still managed to solve a few cases.






But the magic touch had gone.






There was no sparkle.






No Vavavoom.






And when Number Two son drank himself to a place in the mortuary.






That was it.






The final straw.






Some family members rallied round.






Helped him out.






There's not the glamour anymore.






But the money isn't that bad.






And he gets Mondays off.

 

Needs must.

Speed Limit

Give somebody an inch and they will take 7/8ths of a mile.

Evolution

Funny I thought it would be different.






I thought it was all about natural selection.






Eons of nature battling it out...






...each species struggling for a microscopic advantage.






At best for just a fleeting moment.






Of being the one!!!






Being the survivor.






Having the attributes that allowed you to triumph over all in an inhospitable universe.






Until...





 Until the next competitor, out survived you.






Red in tooth and claw so to speak.






Red in tooth and claw.






I just didn't think it would be like this.





Evolution.






It's just so well sign-posted.

Barking Betty

Urban dogs are OK.






Urbane and sophisticated.






Rural dogs can just FUCK RIGHT OFF!!!






That's Barking Betty all over...






Doggist.






She also does Cat Home visits.






She has visited 30 in London alone.






Funny how there is always a fire afterwards.

Tautology!!!

Stinking Tautologists!!!






In your secret lair.






Taunting me!!!






ATM = Cash Machine






Cash Machine = ATM






My head is in a never-ending, Moebius loop of definition.







Did you spot it?






Did you spot my ruse?






If you can't beat them join them. As I alway say...






Your either a Tautologist or your not!!!

The Unreverberate Blackness of the Abyss

At your peril!!!






Cut there.






If you dare.






...it will all  start to unravel.






Reality will peel away.






Layer by stinking layer.






Until all your left with is...






Cthulhu!!!












"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"

Modern College of Technology

Empower Me!!!






I want a better future.






Especially one that doesn't involve closing down.

Urban Typography

Non-alcoholic Chinese Restaurant

They ask for medical proof.






Or at least get you to recite the twelve steps of AA.

Lips that touch wine, will never touch mine.

Lips that touch spring rolls, can kiss my arsehole.

Munchkins

They were alright when Dorothy was still around.






But when she left...






It all fell apart.






First it was the debts.






They began to pile up.






Then they took the shop.






They took the fucking shop!!!






Bastards.

Urban Typography

Ooooh!!! Cutting!!!

Warning!!!

 

Warning!!!

This is a replica.

This is in no way the real thing.

You will be sorely disappointed if you think this is a mythical, Norse demi-god's hat.

What do you expect for £369.99?

The real thing!!!

Twat!!!

Numpty!!!

 

Beautiful Bins

Everyone has the right to walk from one end of the city to the other in secure and beautiful spaces. Everybody has the right to go by public transport. Everybody has the right to an unhampered view down their street, not full of railings, signs and rubbish.

Richard Rogers, British Architect

Unless of course the bins are very, very beautiful.






I especially like the juxtaposition of the mattress and the old carpet.






Or is it a carpet?






Oooh!!!






I love creative tension.

We're coming to get you!!!

The perfect gift.






For someone you really, really hate!!!

Stainer's Crucifixion

Mr. Stainer, I hate to tell you this,






but...






...It's already been done.

Sunday Roasts

 

Sunday Roasts on Sunday.

Whatever will they think of next. 

Please Do Not Use Excessive Force

It's enough to make you want to hit someone.

Pickle's Parties

The Story of Pickle's Parties

 One day, his mother said, "Wayne dear,
I must go out and leave you here.
But mind now, Wayne, what I say,
  Please be good while I'm away.
The dread Pickle's parties comes
To little boys that upset their mums.
And before they know what he's about
He takes his box of magic tricks
And entertains his little prey
Until they'd wish he'd go away.

But Mum had scarcely turn'd her back,
When Wayne had given his sister crack!

The door flew open, in he ran,
The fearsome, Pickles, parties man,
He caught our naughty little Wayne,
And smashed him in his Xbox,Oh! what pain

Bish! Bosh! Bash! Went the evil so and so;
And Wayne cried out - Oh! Ah! Oh!
Bosh! Bash! Bish! He goes so fast;
That his head was soon stuck up his ass.

There stood poor Wayne feeling blue,
His head stuck so he can't poo;-
"Ah!" said his Mam "I knew he'd come
and put your head up your bum."

Apologies to Heinrich Hoffmann  

Forgive Me

 

Forgive you for what?

Tell me!!!

Forgive you for what?

...For living?

Yes, I forgive you for living.

...For liver?

Yes, I like liver.

 

I forgive you for liver.






...For livido?






I forgive you for Livido.






It's a skin discoloration.






...For Livonia?






I also forgive you for Livonia






It's in the Baltic.






There is also another one in Michigan.






...For lividity?






I forgive you for lividity.






Look it up.






...for Liverpool.






I will forgive you anything.






Just not for Liverpool.

Free Everything

Free credit on free everything.






You can't get freer than that.

Drive Slowly

It's so you can savour their terror when you run them over.

Trapped

Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Top Congo Store

The Toppest!!!






The People of the Congo recognise this as the toppest of top Congo Stores.






Pity it's in Dalston.