Not London Theater 1 of 4

Krill Oil

That's why Blue Whales eat Krill






They don't repeat like fish oils.






And I can tell you.






You don't want a Blue Whale to start repeating.

Lo Ball Games!!!

Basketball!!!






Volleyball!!!






FUCK OFF!!!






We want proper ball games!!!






Like Bowls,






Skittles,






or even marbles.






These are good games.







They involve lots of bending...






...and I can watch your arse.






jiggle, jiggle.

Moth Fridge

Selfish bastard!!! 

All I wanted was a bit of milk!!! 

What does a moth need milk for anyway?

I said.

For my cornflakes

He said.

At least I think it was a he

It's very hard to tell with moths.

Selfish Bastard!!!

Wrong Instructions!!!

I think your meant to pull.

Eleven Second Theater

Kelvinator Bold

Beware the Banquette!!!

The Banquette is coming






Beware the Banquette






The Banquette is...

Run!!!






Run for the Hills!!!

No Name!!!

Profits are down.






I blame marketing.

The Missing Geek

I wondered where he got to.






Sexist!!!






It could be a woman.






Not likely.






Only a man would advertise he was missing.






Don't internal dialogues get confusing sometimes.

Stenning Seen Better Days

Thirty Second Theater!!!

Help!!!

Help!!!






My car needs a fan belt






And some 14" Premium Wheel Covers.






AND!!!






My poodle needs a trim.

Thank God!!!

Engurlannnd!!! Engurlannnd!!!

A person genuinely excited by the World Cup?






Just wanting to get behind his team?






Sorry






Or her team






His or Her way of telling the world who they supporrt?

Or a biting satire of England's chances in the World Cup?

Invasive Species

I hate Beavers

The little bastards get everywhere

Kill them all

Especially in Peckham!!!

Whatever happened to Red Ken?

I know he had the LBC radio talk show






But I think they must of let him go.






And he's gone a bit anti-establishment.






Mind you he always was a bit on the wild side.






But Grafitti tagging?

Your 68 dammit!!!






At your age.






You'll do your back in.

Dilemma

catch-22

noun

1. a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent conditions.

cash-22

noun

1. a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent conditions.

Niche Markets

Bransdon MT

Bin of the Month - May 2014

Thirty Second Theater!!!

Any Old Foo!!!

I just don't like any old Foo





Oh No!!!






I like my Foo






Sassy!!!






And Smart!!!

There's nothing like Smart Foo with a little glass of wine.

The Place to Be!!!

If I ever I need a Chicken






This is always the place I go.

It's my one stop chicken shop.

Unstoppable!!!

My name is John Trolley






And I stop for no one.

CUNTS!!!

Times New Beckenham

Compulsion!!!

I had to do it






I had to break in.






I wore my brightly coloured spandex trousers






And put some extra fluff in my long flowing locks






And I broke in.






To an 80s soft rock soundtrack

"Can't Fight This Feeling"

I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear

And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crushing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Reo Speedwagon

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Sperm Bank

Personally I think that out of hours sperm banks are not a good idea.

Personally I found it quite hard






I had to stand on a stool






And people kept looking at me.






I was only trying to help.






They can't help it if they are firing blanks.

#Scary Things!!!

Giving You a Headache?

Giving you a headache?






Let us do it for you!!!






You mean






You will take the HMRC's






Responsibility






Enshrined in law






A law






Dating from 1253 no less






AND






A Royal Charter






Granted by Henry III






Giving them the right






To give me a headache.






And you want to take the onus






The burden






Of giving me a headache






On your own broad shoulders.






FUCK OFF!!!






I like my headaches with history





And Royal patronage.






Common Oiks.

Wine Garden

When I think of Wine






I think of warm, summer days






Relaxing in the back garden






With a convivial group of friends






Alright






A friend






Alright






Alone






Quaffing






Yes






Quaffing






A mellow red






I get mine from Waitrose






You can't miss it.






It says






MELLOW RED






On the label.






When I think of Garden






I think of that self same back garden






With the roses in bloom






And the heady scent of lilac.






When I think of Wine Garden






I think of a local park






And a park bench






And three tramps






Drinking Tennents Super

Not wrong there then.