Mystic Spray

20% off






A tan






And MYSTIC SPRAY






In HD






I wonder what HD stands for?






High Definition?






Or Horribly Deformed?

Recommended for You

I watch a Scooby Doo trailer.






I get THE TOP 10 SCARIEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME! recommended.






I better not watch the Bambi trailer.






They might recommend Animal Farm.






No, not that one.






The one with  avisodomy.






No I didn't know what it meant either.

Sorry No Lunch

Urban Typography

Beware of the Dog

Woof!!!

When Life was Simpler

Religion used to be so much simpler in my day.






All you had to remember was Love Thy Neighbour






And avoid killing people if avoidable.






Now I've got to watch out for the Karma-Nemesis.






And Quantum Physics






You didn't have Quantum Physics in my day.






Oh! No!






None of this wave particle duality rubbish.






It was transubstantiation or nothing.

No More DIY Torture

Every time you need to put together a flat pack shelving unit.






Phone No More DIY Torture






And in no time at all






They'll have contacted Amnesty International






And handed out some leaflets.

Experts in

Talk about dumbing down






Yes Sir,






I am indeed an expert in clothing.






And therefore,






In this instance,






For the unclothed legs.






Could I recommend trousers






They are so utilitarian for lower extremity protection






What are these?






Those sir, those are socks






What are they for?






I'm afraid I don't know sir






I missed that lesson.

Lectorium Rosicrucianum

Lectorium Rosicrucianum






I like joining a religion that I can't spell






It makes the whole experience more mystical






In fact here's several I have just invented.






Lactating Rhododendron







Lenticular Roswell Alien







Lamprey Rendered Anus







London Rumoured Nuns






I especially like Lenticular Roswell Alien






It hints at UFOs and supreme beings.






It sounds so ultra mystical.






I wonder if they would let me join?

Definition of a Good Day

Definition of a Good Day






Free Wireless Internet...

And a free Computer.






It works in the rear garden as well!!!






What could be better than sitting in the garden






Surfing for FREE porn through FREE wireless internet on a FREE computer!!!






It's like winning the lottery and being laid by Stephen Fry and Little Mix all at the same time.






It doesn't get better than this.






Pity the beer was shit.






And expensive.






And the other customers complained about the used tissues.






What did they expect me to do?






Wipe it on my trousers?






Dirty pigs.

Barber Shop for All

What about LGBT?






Sexist Pig.

The Great Purge

Victoria Park is committed to the principles of Leave No Trace.






A philosophy also shared by Stalin.






So no BBQs






Or you will be executed






And airbrushed out of history






And then you'll be sorry

Unequal Step

This is one dysfunctional step.






A sociopath of stairs






Society has let this step down.






We have let this step down






We are sorry step.






We are sorry...






You're such a CUNT

Keep On Truction...

Truction on down the line...






Hey Hey Hey...






I said keep on truction...






Truction my blues away!

Expressing Oneself

This car says I AM MAKING A STATEMENT!!!






This car says LOOK AT ME!!!






This car says I AM AN INDIVIDUAL!!!






This car says VANDALISE ME!!!

Lessons to be Learned

There is a life lesson for us all to be learned here,






And it is,






Make sure there is enough room






If you are going to write the word immortal.

Bin of the Month - February 2013

Famine

Apparently

They took the replica plastic food

From the Somalian famine display.

Waste not want not.

Urban Typography

Happy

Shrine

Orion

Orion,






Legendary Hunter.






With his bronze club.






The great slayer of animals






Lover of the Goddess Dawn






Most handsome of the earthborn.








Needs must.

Reed Employment

Your now a General






Can I be a General too?






Yes, you can be a General too.






And an Admiral?






And an Admiral too.






You can be a Gedmiral.

Urban Typography

Resurrection!!!

Ted Heath?






Oh!!! Goody!!!






I could do with a 3 day week.

No Children

A warning?






Or a statement of fact?

Bizzarro!!!

All seems fine.






The Lambrusco is chilled






The chicken in the basket is hot and delicious






The lighting subdued






And then...






BANG!!!






Acker Bilk






Stranger on the Shore






Crazy Man!!! Crazy!!!






That's why, they call this place Bizzarro!!!






They confounds expectations






And do the unexpected.






That and the LSD they put in the Lambrusco, helps.

Strong Language

They must have done something really bad.






I mean,






There is no need for such strong language.