Delftware
Made in the Netherlands from the 16th Century.
Near the snail farms.
It's called Heliciculture, you know.
31/01/2013
Snail Farming
Delftware
Made in the Netherlands from the 16th Century.
Near the snail farms.
It's called Heliciculture, you know.
30/01/2013
Gregg's Bakery This Way
Don't believe it.
Don't believe the sign.
This sign points to damnation!!!
Remember!!!
The road to hell is paved with sausage and bean melts.
And steak bakes,
Don't forget the steak bakes.
29/01/2013
De Niro's Barbers
He's a very good barber
Unfortunately his small talk requires some work.
I think someone should just take this city and just... just flush it down the fuckin' toilet.
Let me tell you something. You're in a hell, and you're gonna die in a hell, just like the rest of 'em!
YOU TALKIN' TO ME?
28/01/2013
27/01/2013
New Cross Martial Arts
New Cross Martial Arts
They had to close the Old Cross Martial Arts
He stopped being cross
He couldn't even work up a mild annoyance.
Mind you if he could've
Mild Annoyance Martial Arts doesn't have the same ring.
26/01/2013
Champagne Fromage
What a genius idea.
Combining the exciting sparkly taste of champagne
with the rich, mellowness of cheese.
Think of all the interesting, subtle combinations of cheese with an inbuilt glass of effervescent loveliness.
What noble joy!!!
But what if?
What if someone took the idea and sullied it?
Turned this mad, brilliant, wonderful idea
TURNED IT TO THE DARK SIDE!!!
KRAFT CHEESE SLICES WITH A SHOT OF TENNANT'S SUPER FOR EXAMPLE!!!
IT DOESN'T BEAR THINKING ABOUT
I hope for humanities sake they drop the idea
Bury it
And just sell cheese and champagne instead.
25/01/2013
24/01/2013
The Harrowing House
He doesn't like going there you know.
Cuthbert that is.
He doesn't like going to the Harrowing House.
Mind you it's a bit unfair.
Just harrowing Cuthbert.
Any Cuthbert mind you.
They're not picky.
23/01/2013
Fairy Tales Hair Salon
They are a bit of a disaster really.
They gave Rapunzel a Bob.
Goldilocks came out a brunette.
And as for Thumbelina
We don't talk about Thumbelina
Blood everywhere
22/01/2013
21/01/2013
20/01/2013
19/01/2013
Performance Putty Knife
Performance Putty Knife
THIS PRODUCT MUST NOT BE SOLD TO ANYONE UNDER 18
WHY?
So they can break into your house and fit some double glazing units?
Fuck you adolescent!!!
I'm single glazed and proud of it.
So take your Performance Putty Knife
And Linseed Oil Putty
And stick it where the sun don't shine.
Whosoever shall unlawfully and maliciously by any means whatsoever glaze a window shall be guilty of a felony, and being convicted thereof shall be liable to be kept in penal servitude for life
18/01/2013
Clarity
Which do you mean?
Sit Spain or...
Sits Pain?
I like to be clear on these sort of things.
It makes the world of difference you know.
17/01/2013
Slick Boutique
slick
/slik/
Adjective
|
16/01/2013
Training Plate (Warning may contain strong language)
A training plate!!!
A fucking training plate!!!
A fucking plate where you learn to fucking eat!!!
SO SOME FUCKING IMBECILE FUCKING CHILD DOESN'T FUCKING STARVE TO DEATH
WHO IS SO FUCKING INCAPACITATED THAT THEY FUCKING CANNOT MOVE FUCKING FOOD
FROM FUCKING POINT A. THE FUCKING PLATE TO FUCKING POINT B. THEIR FUCKING MOUTH
LET THE LITTLE FUCKERS STARVE
LET FUCKING NATURAL SELECTION TAKE ITS FUCKING COURSE
AND IT WINS A FUCKING AWARD!!!
IT WINS THE FUCKING JUNIOR FUCKING DESIGN FUCKING AWARD OF FUCKING 2011!!!
IN THE BEST FUCKING FEEDING PRODUCT CATEGORY!!!
THEY HAVE A FUCKING CATEGORY FOR FUCKING THIS!!!
THEY ACTUALLY HAVE A BEST FUCKING FEEDING PRODUCTS CATEGORY!!!
CUNTS!!!
I have high blood pressure you know.
15/01/2013
14/01/2013
13/01/2013
Scout News
They're all gone
And rightly so
A very popular read in the Scouting community.
Scout News is well respected for their balanced in depth articles on a variety of scouting issues.
And their exposés.
God! How the love their exposés.
Apparently Lord Baden Powell was implicated in the Yew Tree investigation.
12/01/2013
Bin of the Month - January 2013
Just don't throw any Kryptonite out.
It's not green.
Actually it is
Green that is.
11/01/2013
TARDIS Toilet Hire
Somehow I thought that when the Doctor had to go
It would be a very much grander affair
Victorian or Edwardian in style and taste.
With brass and valves
And steam and everything.
And a halon collider
It's got to have a halon collider
Very useful for removing those stubborn stains.
And they also kill 99.98% of all known bacteria.
Especially the ones that want to invade Earth.
I wonder if he has a knitted toilet roll holder in the shape of a Dalek.
It's kitsch, but very post-modern.
10/01/2013
09/01/2013
08/01/2013
Honesty in Advertising
Honesty in Advertising.
There should be more of it.
Seamus Moore...
JCB Man.
Could indeed be a slim attraction.
Whether that means...
He is svelte and attractive to the opposite sex.
Or he is crap.
I will leave entirely up to you to decide.
07/01/2013
NASA Cuts
He really likes his Lucozade chilled.
Mind you...
With the current financial crisis
And the cuts to the space exploration programme.
Sacrifices had to be made.
Either the chiller had to go.
Or the fondue set.
And you no how Neil likes his melted cheese.
06/01/2013
Original Furniture Balm - The Risks
REMEMBER!!!
When seeking medical advice...
Wear suitable gloves.
He drank the whole bottle you know.
It polished him off.
Mind you...
It was a lovely finish.
I'll shut up now then, shall I?
05/01/2013
04/01/2013
03/01/2013
02/01/2013
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)