Degrees in Everything

He's doing a Masters in Kebab






There so much more complicated than burgers






All that chopped cabbage to contend with.






And the pickled chillies






They can be a nightmare.






He's even considering a PhD in Fries.






Diploma in Burger!!!






Diploma in Burger!!!






Drop this charade of food related buffoonery






Stop doing stupid, pointless qualifications






That have no meaning






To anyone






Drop this pretence







And get a proper job!!!






Oh!!!






You have?






You sell Fast Food.






Excellent






A noble profession






You should get a qualification in that.

Children's Table Sale

HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!!






Selling the poor child's table






There she is,






Little Gemma






Sitting on her little seat.






'What shall we do today'






She says






This day of magic possibilities






'Shall I do some...






Some finger painting perhaps






Or read a book






About a princess






Or some creative play






With some plasticine






Oh! I do I love plasticine.'






But she can't!!!






She can't do any of these things!!!






BECAUSE SOME HEARTLESS BASTARD!!!






HAS SOLD HER TABLE!!!






Poor little Gemma






Personally I would have sold the seat as well






You get more for a set.

Specialising in Everything

Specialising in Everything!!!






As long as it's hair related.

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Stop Looking At Me!!!






Insectoid, Icecream Monster!!!

Urbanigraphy

Narcolepsy

Narcolepsy






An often misunderstood neurological disorder






That affects many individuals






It should not be treated as a laughing matter






As it can have a profound affect on peoples lives






Their social life can be dramatically affected






Their working life disrupted






Take Kevin






He's a signwriter

Sonny's Kebabs and Chickens

Soft billowy pitta bread






Crisp cabbage and lettuce






Pungent onions






Meat marinaded to perfection





Moist and spicy






And the briny chillies






HOT, HOT HOT!!!






And the chickens






Oh God!!!






The chickens






The art of small scale chicken production






Commercial and hybrid breeds






Equipment and nutrition






Including vitamin and mineral requirements






Healthcare






Cock exchange programmes






Yes






I laughed as well






Threats






like predation and infectious diseases.






Housing!!!






Shut up about the fucking housing!!!






On and on and on and on






He wouldn't shut up






Sonny wouldn't shut up






Shut up Sonny!!!






SHUT UP!!!







I had a pizza instead

DIMINUENDO!!!

ICE!!!






Freezing!!! Eternal!!! Bone Sapping!!!






ICE!!!






FIRE!!!

Searing!!! Infinite!!! Soul Scouring!!!

And an egg mayonnaise sandwich please






Can you cut the crusts off as well?

Ash Did Deh Yah!

DID ASH DEH YAH?

Thirty Second Theater - A Trilogy in Three Parts

Thirty Second Theater - A Trilogy in Three Parts

Thirty Second Theater - A Trilogy in Three Parts

Life Barbers

They will trim the excess of your hirsute existence.






From £10






How metaphysical






And cheap.

Fascist Bastards!!!

FUCK OFF!!!






Don't you tell me to surpress my dust!!!






FASCIST BASTARDS!!!






Trial or no Trial!!!






Don't you oppress my dust!!!






My dust will always be free!!!






Run free little Dust particles!!!






Run Free!!!






I'm going to start a dust sanctuary

Accuracy

I thought that was rather key to the whole process






And not a Unique Selling Point







Being Accurate that is.






Does that mean that every other roofer






is a bit wonky






in their technique.






So when I see vans proclaiming






Wonky Roofers







It's advertising their roofing skills







And not their name.






Not that I've seen any vans






With Wonk Roofing on the side.






I think Wonky would be a great name for a tradesman.





Wonky the plumbers





Wonky Tiler






Wonky DIY






I'll shut up then shall I?

Priorities

At work

Let's get our priorities right.

Only Eggless

It's not what you think.






It's a bakery for infertile women.

Want More Local Pollution?

No!!!






I don't want more local pollution!!!






It's selfish!!!






We should share it!!!






You can get too much of a good thing you know.

Bin of the Month - September 2013

Thirty Second Theater

Electrigraphy

Listen to your Body

My body says Fuck Off!!!






We're not speaking anymore.

MOTIVATIONAL!!!

Institutionalised

Own your own business?






Like being told what to do?






Get a bit panicky when left on your own?






Like school dinners?






Like grey?

Then this is the place for you!!!

Specialisation

Don't worry






He may only do one hair






But his assistant does the rest.






Mind you






He is very good






That one hair






Really sticks out!!!

Urban Savannah

And there,

If we are careful

And very, very quiet

We can see 

In the midday sun

A beast

Of the Urban Savannah,

Limping

And scarred from many battles

With other rutting males

During the mating season.

A rare and solitary

Zebox!!!

Thirty Second Theater

A Joke!!!

Do you remember Donald Duck's three nephews?













Sadly one of them joined the Taliban













And became a suicide bomber.













You know who I mean.













Huey,













Dewey













and Kablooie!!!






I made it up myself you know.

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Civifont