30/06/2013
29/06/2013
Have You Paid?
With Blood, sweat and tears,
With every fibre of my being,
For every second of my turgid existence,
I HAVE PAID!!!
HAVE YOU!!!
28/06/2013
27/06/2013
26/06/2013
25/06/2013
24/06/2013
Big Attraction
Oooh!!!
A New Cabaret Night
With Comperes
I love a good Compere
You can stick the rest
But give me a good Compere
With a twinkle in his eye
And his witty and urbane banter
And his tight satin slacks
That hug his peachy arse
And leave nothing to the imagination
It's enough to make you hot under the collar.
Pity they never let me in.
Well not the second time anyway.
23/06/2013
22/06/2013
Natty Tattys
I am partial to a well turned out spud
But putting them in lederhosen and a hat
That's just plain silly.
A smart pair of chinos and a neatly pressed shirt would be much more in keeping.
Labels:
Shop affronts
21/06/2013
Materialistic Curtains
Materialistic Curtain & Carpet Studio
A witty play on words?
Or a savage indictment?
Of US!!!
And our excessive desire to acquire and consume material goods.
I am wounded!!!
Cut to the quick!!!
I feel so worthless!!!
My life has no meaning!!!
Materialistic Curtains
You have opened my eyes
I now see...
I am caught up in an endless cycle of buying to maintain my social status.
I am not affluent
But I attain to a higher status
Through my purchasing power
I want to be loved
Debit Card love
And respected
Cheque book respect
So I buy pretty baubles.
To feed the hole
Of my inadequacy
ENOUGH!!!
I will throw off the shackles off this consumerist world
I will discover the simpler things in life
Art!!!
MUSIC!!!
BEAUTY!!!
LOVE!!!
I RENOUNCE YOU O' MATERIAL WORLD!!!
Mind you the curtains with the birds and butterflies would look nice in the drawing room.
20/06/2013
Good Deed Feed
The Metro a free daily newspaper.
Their letter page a cross section of reader's views.
The feature
The Good Deed Feed
An opportunity to thank people.
Did you read Derryn, London?
Do so!!!
19/06/2013
18/06/2013
17/06/2013
Polite Utility Company
Thank You!!!
That's the way I like my utility companies.
Polite
And snivelly
Creepy, snivelly utility company.
WORSHIP ME!!!
I HAS POWER!!!
Until I am in arrears.
Then...
Don't hate me Utility company.
16/06/2013
Tenuous Father's Day Gifts
Wash everything in one go!!!
A fridge you can put beer in!!!
YOU CAN EVEN COOK AT DIFFERENT TEMPERATURES!!!
Personally
I wanted an ironing board.
15/06/2013
14/06/2013
13/06/2013
12/06/2013
11/06/2013
10/06/2013
09/06/2013
08/06/2013
Niche Markets
Talk about niche markets
Ice Cream for Wife Beaters!!!
Look do I have to explain everything?
Stella Ice Cream (Gedditt!!!)
07/06/2013
Ice Cream!!!
Talk about multi-tasking.
Not only can you enjoy a delicious, frozen gelato
But you can sit there and look like a cunt at the same time.
06/06/2013
Spoining
Is this related to Umami?
And why is an American soldier trying to lose weight?
g.i. dieter (Gedditt!!!)
05/06/2013
No Golf
No Golf Allowed!!!
Use of golfing equipment is prohibited in all parks
It's a Hounslow Byelaw
Statute 16b
Don't be a cunt.
04/06/2013
Warning!!!
WARNING!!!
It's Big!!!
It's Black!!!
And it's a Bin!!!
And if you mess with it!!!
IT WILL FUCK YO' MUTHERFUCKIN' ASS!!!
Motherfucker!!!
Labels:
Bins of stature
03/06/2013
Caution Controlled Bollards!!!
Caution Controlled Bollards!!!
These Bollards have had a restrictive upbringing,
A life underscored by
Regimentation
And a lack of demonstrable affection.
These Bollards have been repressed!!!
They still bed wet.
They're 24 for Chrissakes!!!
I blame their father.
02/06/2013
Reliable Stamping
I've said it before
And I'll say it again.
If you're going to be good at something.
You've also got to be consistent.
Otherwise your just another
Flash in the Pan!!!
An X Factor winner!!!
And look at where they are now!!!
It's just a pity
Reliable Stamping
Is so niche.
01/06/2013
PIZZA MONSTER!!!
PIZZA MONSTER!!!
Admittedly not in the same league
As King Kong
Or Godzilla.
But Hey!!!
I try my best.
You should try my 12 inch Hannibal Lecter.
A hand made bread base,
Freshly made,
Everyday.
From the finest Tipo 00 flour.
The topping,
The freshest Italian tomatoes,
The most delicious, buffalo mozzarella,
Fava beans,
And liver,
Marinaded overnight.
With garlic, oil, lemon and chilli flakes.
Cooked to perfection in a stone baked oven.
Especially imported from Tuscany.
Exquisite.
An orgasm on a plate.
And the perfect accompaniment?
A nice Chianti.
OK, the liver was a mistake
The customers complain.
Especially when it's theirs.
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