Today's Post is Brought to you by the Letter T

Today's post if brought to you by the letter 'T'.






Oh!!! For a marker pen.






'T, brings out the devil in me.

The Indefinite Article

Not THE flooding.






Just, A flooding.






THE flooding was the biblical one.

Tanning Booths

The shops called KwikKancer.

LAGER TH

He got too pissed to finish.

Infallible Systems

Don't you just want to climb up there.






And remove the IN?

Dry Cleaning

With added Radium.

Penis or Ninja?

Ninja or Penis?






Maybe it's a Pinja.






or a Nenis.

Promises 4 of 4

Wanker!!!

Promises 3 of 4

We must save the planet for our children. A truly noble promise, I hope you kept it.

Promises 2 of 4

Often, it's the little acts of kindness that matter the most.

Promises 1 of 4

A noble offer, in the event of your demise a form of brief immortality. The extension of someone else's existence. Their survival dependant on your generosity.

Urban Typography

Filth and Depravity!!!

Filth and Depravity!!!






Ukelele Porn.

Revenge!!!

Last time I went it hurt like hell.






Mind you,






I think he's getting his own back.






Wouldn't you?






If your mum called you Hainault Gentle.

High Heel Shoes

WARNING!!!






Patrons wearing high heel shoes do so at their own risk.






SLAG!!!

The Beneficial Veracious Spray Can Brotherhood

The Beneficial Veracious Spray Can Brotherhood have anointed a new King.






All Hail!!! The Beneficial Veracious Spray Can Brotherhood King.






May he rule wisely.






Or her.

Sunbed Cream Free!!!

Cancer extra.

On a Good Day

This was a good day.






On a normal day,






Say a Tuesday for example.






He's just crucified and risen.






Some days it's just crucified.






Other days,






Other days...






He just can't be arsed.






It's what comes of being all things to all men.






Mind you, he has to be careful.






From a marketing perspective,






Would you go to a church called Christ can't be arsed?






Actually I probably would.

Bin of the Month - November

It's pretty flat to the front as well.

Timeless Beauty Salon

They're very good you know.






Mind you it's not to everyone's taste.






Mummification is soooo permanent.

Medical Incontinence

I agree.






Just because your a Doctor doesn't mean to say you can shit where you want.






I'm not sure about a 1,000 pounp fine, though.






What is a pounp?

Funeral Today

Today and everyday






And so on ad infinitum.






I quite like a bit of routine, myself.

Crazy Cod and Chicken

The cod might by crazy






But the chicken is sane






And it doesn't want to die.






Poor, sane chicken.






Can I recommend the chicken wings.

Bodyshapers

Thank god it's not Colombian  Fashion.






Their idea of body shaping






Involves cutting your nose off and removing your eyelids.

Leone the BARBER

I would recommend the * HAIR CUT with DESIGN *






He shuts his eyes when he does the * HAIR CUT *






In fact it ends up looking like the * CUT WITH MOHICAN *






Just with more blood.

Dogs and Fireworks

Personally I just stick a banger up their arse.






Trouble is chihuahuas can be a bit fiddly.

No Smoking!!!

Autosarcophagy

...And They Think It's All Over

Great, the Olympics are over...






A couple of months now.






And I thought I could put it all behind me.






But no!!!






No I can't!!!






Now I can make a cake...






That looks like Lisa Simpson is giving someone a blow job.






I wonder if I should go with sponge or a basic fruit cake mix.

Abrupt End

scotch: To put an abrupt end to






scotched quails eggs: Quails abruptly ended before they had even started.






At least it was painless.






Unless eggs are sentient.






Mind you according to the pro-Egg lobby they are.






Sentient, that is.






Tasted nice though.






Especially combined with the serrano ham and the olives.






A lovely combination.






Pity about the screaming.