Better Late than Never - The Olympics

Recycling is Good.

Remember to recycle your food and compostable packaging.

Also plastic drinks container recycling is good.

Even recycling non-recyclables is to be smiled upon,






But whatever you do...






Don't forget...





To recycle...

Your poncho.






Planet Earth will go to hell in a hand cart if you don't

Mick Do Not Hit Me

A low blow indeed Mick.

All Hail the Panda Lord!!!

He walks among us!!!

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Hand Full of Chips

You can choose between clenched or open palm.






It's alright it was surgically removed.






He hardly notices it's missing.

Freshly Fired

Non-potable

Method Cake Decorating

Al Pacino and Marlon Brando both studied Method Cake Decorating.






It's the Wilton Method School that made them who they are.






The kings of Method Cake Decorating.






Method Acting is only a sideline.






Scarface






Pfffff!!!






On the Waterfront






Pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!!!






You should see their Wedding Cakes.






MASTERPIECES!!!






Ornate palaces of royal icing.






Their pièce de résistance,






The bride and groom on top,






Sculpted as if Michelangelo's hand was guiding them.






Mind you, they learnt from the very best.






In fact on a Tuesday afternoon...






Robert De Niro teaches advanced Method Cake Decorating.






The students used to love his delicate piping work,






But most of all they would marvel at his crumb free frosting.






When asked what the secret was to his crumb free frosting,






He would look them straight in the eye,






those brooding, expressive, Latin eyes,






and reply...







"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking to? You talkin' to me? Well. I'm the only one here."






Then he would shoot them.






Big, Broken Society is One Year Old Today!!!






Happy Anniversary Big, Broken Society!!!

Progressive Facilities Management

Progressive Facilities Management Ltd.






They will let you steal the stuff,






But will expect you to undergo counselling...






and when you recognise that you have done wrong.






They will want a group hug.






Don't forget the group hug.






That's the best bit.

Fascist Bastards!!!

FUCK OFF!!!






Nobody will direct me to stop.






I'll stop when I want...






And where I want.






FASCIST BASTARDS!!!






Unless of course I am in the middle of a street and a very large lorry is approaching at speed.






I think then my need to stop in a random and non-directed fashion...






May be supplanted by my need for survival.

Evidence Once More of the Need to Understand the Futility of Existence and the Need to Stop the Screaming Inside!!!

Urban Wildlife

Once again






Even in an urban environment nature triumphs






Look at its majesty.






After a successful kill.






The solitary blue mattress beast rests in the shade.

STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!

Least For Sale

I hope they made the most of it.

John Keats

He could never make the poetry pay.

Frequent Stops

So do I






I make frequent stops






Does that mean I need a yellow sticker...






apologising for stopping all the time?






It's my bladder you know.






Do I need a yellow sticker because I've got a small bladder?

Fitness Evolution

Can you imagine it?






Darwin in a spandex leotard.






Go on admit it.






It's strangely homoerotic isn't it?






Come on Charlie!!!






Work that booty!!!

Perspective Building

That's one way of looking at it.

Street Cries Prohibited

Help!!! Help!!! Please Don't Mug me!!!

Bin of the Month

The Expressionistic.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Not many people know this...






But,






There are four cathedrals in London.






St. Paul's






Southwark






Westminster






and...






St. George's

Now I'm not a religious person,

But...

Sometimes...

You just have to believe in miracles.

I mean...

Do you know how much crutches cost?

And in broad daylight...

At the Elephant and Castle!!!

Passport Photos!!!

Somehow...






Hiding your face...






And wearing...






A pink tutu...






May not go down that well...






with UK Border Agency staff.






Especially if you have 50kg of Coke stuck up your arse.

Consequences Of Not Shutting This Door!!!

AND...






YOU MIGHT...






ALSO...






GET...






A DRAUGHT!!!






Do you want that on your conscience?






YOU BASTARD!!!

Cucumber Festival

...and afterwards the Vicar holds a party for the villagers.






A very special party,






For special people,






Like the post-mistress






and the village idiot,






as he doesn't know any better.






They always admire the Vicar's cucumber.






Its admirable length,






its gentle curve,






and its knobbily bits,






and the jar of vaseline,






THE VERY BIG JAR OF VASELINE.






THE BIGGEST FUCKING JAR OF VASELINE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.






Oh come on now!






You knew where this was going,






and you still carried on.






You still read through to the end.






Pervert!!!






Do you want to come to one of my parties?

Get out clause

I'm glad they made this clear.






I could easily have got confused...






...as to what was exactly meant.






But, I do not have a hoof...






...does this mean I am exempt?

Simply Church and Mustaches

Just little moustaches






I wish I had a pen to make them larger






Then they would look like Joseph Stalin

Simplesmente Igreja e Bigodes

Simplesmente pouco bigodinhos






Eu gostaria de ter uma caneta para torná-los maior






Em seguida, eles olhariam como Joseph Stalin

Humped Crossing

I call this a dromedary crossing,






As it only has one hump.






If it had two humps,






I would call it...






A Bactrian crossing,






And if it had three humps,






I would call it...






Humphrey.






Hump three

Masters of Shirley

As I always say...






Set your ambitions low,






and you won't be too disappointed.






It's alright though...






Shirley doesn't mind.

Optimism

He's an Optimist,






Catford Beds Man.






Every Tuesday without fail,






He is to be seen...






Pushing a Sofa Bed down the road.






Hoping that...






One Day,






One Day, someone will follow him.

Prat!!!

Bus Haters

There must of been a struggle in the control room.






The bus hater,






The one that hates all buses,






And wants to blind them.






He must of wrested temporary control...






Of the bus indicator control panel.






The one with all the buttons and knobs,






And flashing lights,






There has to be flashing lights,






To type in his warning to omnibuses.






That he is coming,






And beware,






Because...






He planned to...






SEE BUS BLIND!!!






SEE BUS BLIND!!!






Blind the buses.






Stop them seeing.






God!!!






The madness,






To see into his seething cauldron of a mind.






How did he plan to carry out this nefarious deed?






How did he plan to blind the buses?






Or did he plan to burn out the eyes of the drivers?






With a searing hot poker.






THE BASTARD!!!






THE SADISTIC, BUS HATING BASTARD!!!






THE SADISTIC, BUS HATING, BURNING HOT POKER TOTIN' BASTARD!!!






HE HAD EVEN STARTED THE COUNTDOWN






1 min...






30 secs






DUE!!!






THE BUS BLINDNESS IS DUE!!!






How deliciously wicked






How Bond Villain






Then his controller came back from the toilet and told him to stop being a silly bugger and get on with his job.






Tottenham Ct. Rd. 2 min