31/08/2013
30/08/2013
On the Trivialisation of a Miracle
I hate it when people trivialise what is essentially a miracle
Especially something as sacred as the birth of a child
It's all so cynical
The act of carrying a piece of chalk with you
To imply this was a spontaneous act
And not just some pre-meditated pretension
The artful reversal of some letters
To denote, youth and hipness
This laboriously, painfully wrought epigram
That by being taken out of context,
The author
Hopes implies their intellectual capability
And their hidden depths.
Sadly the puddle of their mind
imbues this contextless phrase
With the insipid aura of cod philosophy
And street
Very, very street.
Razor sharp street.
As street as...
Standing outside KFC
On a sunny day
On a Saturday afternoon
Forty minutes before you have to get back
To your Mum and Dad
In Feltham
And your wearing a scarf.
It's all so cynical.
Well let me tell you
That if it was that easy being born
WE WOULD ALL BE DOING IT!!!
MORE THAN ONCE!!!
"Mummy! Mummy!"
"Yes Dear?"
"Can I do it again"
"Yes dear, just climb back in"
In fact
You could sell tickets
Treat your vagina
Like some moist, organic Disney World
Pay some Harley Street Quack
To elasticate the umbilical cord
So the little foetus bastards
Can bounce up and down
Like some spastic, bloody St. Vitus's dance.
Over and over again.
Up and down
Up and down.
In fact Simon Cowell
Could capitalise on the craze.
He could artificially inseminate
One of the many bland, fading pop acts
That are on his roster.
So they could all give birth
Simultaneously
On stage
With their elasticated umbilical cords.
A whole troupe of...
Little bloody, bouncing, bungee babies
Up and down.
Up and down.
To the syncopated rhythm.
While their vapid mothers
Vomit out their autotuned pap
Girls Aloud?
Nah!!!
Too Old.
They must be at least ninety
The Saturdays?
Possibly
One of them has already popped one out.
So you would have to wait a bit
Before slipping a fertility pill in their Horlicks.
Little Mix?
Yes, definitely
You could dress the foetus's up
Like their mates in One Direction
That would get the One Directioners going.
It's all so cynical.
I hate babies
They stick on your shoe when you step on them.
29/08/2013
28/08/2013
27/08/2013
26/08/2013
25/08/2013
OMG!!! UWO!!! THEY ARE AMONG US!!!
You maniacs!!! You blew it up!!! Oh, damn you!!! God Damn you all to hell!!!
24/08/2013
I Yam 2 2Day
Today as it is my 2nd Birthday
I will publish my bestest picture
A veritable Cartier Bresson of Big Broken Societyness.
Today will be a Tour De Force
Demonstrating
My witttiest wit
I will publish my bestest picture
A veritable Cartier Bresson of Big Broken Societyness.
Today will be a Tour De Force
Demonstrating
My witttiest wit
My urbane urbaneness
My incisive incisiveness
You get the picture
Happy Birthday to Me!!!
Happy Birthday to Me!!!
Happy Birthday, Big Broken Society!!!
Happy Birthday to Me!!!
As for my loyal reader!!!
FUCK OFF!!!
You didn't get me anything.
Again
23/08/2013
Strong Language
Personally I think this is strong and emotive language
Especially for such a public area.
I mean there are children about.
I think
FLIPPING EVANGELICAL
Would be more appropriate
22/08/2013
Tragic Life Stories
Guaranteed absolutely no occurence of happiness
Whatsoever.
That's another section entirely.
Tragic Life Stories interspersed with some modicum of happiness
21/08/2013
Toll 50p in Silver Coins
No 5p coins
And no doubloons.
Do you know the headache we have cashing them at the bank?
Especially the 5p coins.
20/08/2013
19/08/2013
Genius!!!
What if...
What if you combined a tasty hot beverage
Each leaf
Hand picked
From the southern slopes of the Himalayas
With the desire to master
The popular art of puppetry
I will call you Typhoocinello!!!
What if you combined a tasty hot beverage
Each leaf
Hand picked
From the southern slopes of the Himalayas
With the desire to master
The popular art of puppetry
I will call you Typhoocinello!!!
18/08/2013
17/08/2013
Noddy & Big Ears
Why have Elephant's got Big Ears?
Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
All I can say Noddy
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!
Because Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
All I can say Noddy
IT'S PAYBACK TIME!!!
16/08/2013
15/08/2013
Abstract Concepts 2
While the fires burn
They discuss Satre and metaphysics
And whether the minimum water depth is 1 metre
Or whether
As the Fallibilists propound
That all knowledge is, at best, an approximation.
As Boris Johnson wants to close Fire Stations
Does that mean he is a Solipsist
Look it up!!!
14/08/2013
Abstract Concepts 1
HOW!!!
Law: A system of rules and guidelines which are enforced through social institutions to govern behaviour.
Fuck: The act of sexual intercourse
How can you fuck an abstraction?
Unless of course you want to be symbolic about it
And the the constable agrees
Because if he doesn't
It would be statutory rape
And that would be breaking the law.
13/08/2013
12/08/2013
11/08/2013
10/08/2013
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
According to Wikipedia
Owen Patterson
Is a British Conservative Party politician.
He was appointed
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
In 2012
He does not like his job.
Owen Patterson
Says
Your Mum!!!
Owen Patterson
Is a British Conservative Party politician.
He was appointed
Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs
In 2012
He does not like his job.
Owen Patterson
Says
Your Mum!!!
09/08/2013
Crazy Salads
Rocket
Tomatoes
Cucumber
Feta cheese
Olives
Dressing
And a bit of your penis
Removed under anaesthetic
Without you knowing
CRAZY!!!
08/08/2013
Echoes of the Past
In late medieval times
There was an institution called
The Chantry
Where a priest
Was paid
To sing
A number of masses
Ove a period of time
To speed the deceased
To heaven
The practice still carries on
Especially for entry to the Shard
Children under 3
Go to limbo
There was an institution called
The Chantry
Where a priest
Was paid
To sing
A number of masses
Ove a period of time
To speed the deceased
To heaven
The practice still carries on
Especially for entry to the Shard
Children under 3
Go to limbo
07/08/2013
Hair Hunters
Call yourself a Hair Hunter!!!
Try and find mine
Go on!!!
I dare you!!!
And you know what!!!
YOU WON'T!!!
I'VE HIDDEN IT!!!
YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT!!!
EVER!!!
Mind you, nor can I
"Time"
Time - He's waiting in the wings
He speaks of senseless things
His script is you and me boys
Time - He flexes like a whore
Falls wanking to the floor
His trick is you and me, boy
Time - In Quaaludes and red wine
Demanding Billy Dolls
And other friends of mine
Take your time
The sniper in the brain, regurgitating drain
Incestuous and vain,
and many other last names
I look at my watch it say 9:25 and I think
"Oh God I'm still alive"
We should be on by now
Time - He's waiting in the wings
He speaks of senseless things
His script is you and me boys
Time - He flexes like a whore
Falls wanking to the floor
His trick is you and me, boy
Time - In Quaaludes and red wine
Demanding Billy Dolls
And other friends of mine
Take your time
The sniper in the brain, regurgitating drain
Incestuous and vain,
and many other last names
I look at my watch it say 9:25 and I think
"Oh God I'm still alive"
We should be on by now
We should be on by now
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
You - are not a victim
You - just scream with boredom
You - are not evicting time
Chimes - Goddamn, you're looking old
You'll freeze and catch a cold
'Cause you've left your coat behind
Take your time
Breaking up is hard, but keeping dark is hateful
I had so many dreams,
I had so many breakthroughs
But you, my love, were kind, but love has left you
dreamless
The door to dreams was closed.
Your park was real dreamless
Perhaps you're smiling now,
smiling through this darkness
But all I had to give was the guilt for dreaming
We should be on by now
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
You - are not a victim
You - just scream with boredom
You - are not evicting time
Chimes - Goddamn, you're looking old
You'll freeze and catch a cold
'Cause you've left your coat behind
Take your time
Breaking up is hard, but keeping dark is hateful
I had so many dreams,
I had so many breakthroughs
But you, my love, were kind, but love has left you
dreamless
The door to dreams was closed.
Your park was real dreamless
Perhaps you're smiling now,
smiling through this darkness
But all I had to give was the guilt for dreaming
We should be on by now
We should be on by now
We should be on by now
We should be on by now
We should be on by now
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Yeah, time!
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
Yeah, time!
06/08/2013
05/08/2013
04/08/2013
03/08/2013
02/08/2013
01/08/2013
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